


Me Who Loves You

by FlightoftheFantasies



Series: Avenger's Oneshots [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes is happy, F/M, Fluff, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Romance, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-05
Updated: 2017-09-05
Packaged: 2018-12-24 08:39:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12009081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlightoftheFantasies/pseuds/FlightoftheFantasies
Summary: One of the happiest days of ones life, being surrounded by loved ones to share in the happy moment. There will be tears, and laughter. The pain and stress leading up to this moment is all worth it to see you smile.





	Me Who Loves You

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Readings!

Lola take a deep breath, fidgeting with her fingers, _‘You can do this Lo, just breath and walk down the aisle. This is going to be the last time you see him as just your best friend. He is going to be so much more than that now, don’t need to make a bad impression. Just breath and keep your head up… and don’t cry!’_

Soon the soft music begins and everyone in attendance stands and a soft smile plays at her lips. She waits for the women in front of her to begin their walk down, and once she gets her cue, she straightens her back and like was practiced walked down the aisle. All other people disappear as she makes eye contact with Bucky Barnes standing at the altar, dressed in his finely tailored three piece suit, hair neatly styled and cut, and a he is even clean shaven. Oh how he looked so perfect; her heart is ready to beat right out of her chest from the sight of him.

Lola takes her place in front of him, smiling and fighting back a giggle when he sends a wink in her direction. But all too soon his attention diverts away from her when the music changes and another woman make her way down to the altar. Lola’s eyes do not leave Bucky’s face, her heart breaking and the smile wiped away when she sees how his smile grows even bigger, eyes fill with love. Love that is directed to the other woman, his true bride.

Oh right… She is not the bride, this is not her happy day. As much as Lola wishes that she is to be the one that Bucky is marrying, and at one point it might have been her. But today, Bucky Barnes, the man who holds her heart, marries another. And she has to stand there as the maid of honor, witnessing to union of two people she would consider to be some of her best friends.

The preacher begins and Lola’s mind goes blank. She is not mentally or physically able to deal with hearing Bucky profess and vow himself to another woman, no matter who it is. Why after all this time must it still hurt? Their “relationship” ended nearly five years ago, and he clearly has gotten over her. So why hasn’t she gotten over him? Why still hold him so close to her heart where he can only hurt her further?

“I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride.”

Lola picked that moment to come out of her daze, to see Bucky lean down and gently press his lips to his wife’s. She quickly turns her head away, refusing to subject herself to that kind of torture. She gazes longingly down the aisle as they walk hand in hand and everyone cheers for the happy couple.

At the reception, Lola sits off to the side and tries to hide in a dark corner at a table. She’s wondering how long she is required to stay, or if she can sneak off without anyone noticing. Would anyone even miss her if she does leave early? She is not sure she can take much more of this.

Her heart aches, seeing Bucky smile at another woman, kiss her, hold her; it hurts so bad. How can he be so cruel as to have asked her to be apart of his wedding day? Is he really that blind to her feelings? Then again, she could have said no to him, but he makes it difficult for her to say no.

“There you are. Why are you not out there having fun?”

Bucky’s voice breaks through her thoughts, causing Lola to curse under her breath.

“Bucky! What are you doing over here?”

He pulls a chair closer to her, “I couldn’t find you. Come dance.”

She only shake her head in answer.

“Oh come on, it is my wedding day! You are one of my best friends so you should be out there having fun and dancing with me.”

Lola could not help the wince at his exclamation. She forced a smile, “I don’t think so Buck. I’m kind of tired, there was a lot to get done last minute you know. 

Bucky gives her a gentle smile, his eyes full of happiness, “Thank you Lola. Thank you for helping plan and being here and being apart of all of this. It means so much to me to have you here.”

Placing a light hand on his cheek, she returns his smile, holding back the tears. There is so much that she wants to say, but cannot bring herself to say it. Her confession right there on the tip of her tongue, but she cannot get it out. She forces out a laugh to keep herself from letting the tears go and pats his cheek,

“I just want to see you happy Bucky… Now go, go be with your wife, James. And promise me you will live the fairytale happy ever after.”

Letting her hand fall away from his face, Lola gives him a tight smile. She watches as he grins and rushes back to his bride, oblivious to her hurt. A small sigh falls from her lips as her head falls.

“Hey, are you okay?” Natasha’s concerned voice asks as she takes a seat next to Lola at the table.

Lola forces a smile, “Of course I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

The Russian gives her a knowing look, “You don’t have to pretend with me Lo. I know it has to hurt…”

“I am fine Natasha, I swear. I have to be. I put myself in this position.” she says.

Natasha stares at her in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“I was the one to fall in love with him, knowing that he would never love me back. It is my mistake thinking that anything would ever change; my mistake for loving him more than he ever loved me. It’s my mistake for thinking that maybe one day he would stop seeing me as a friend and see me as a woman who wants to love him. I still stand beside him, knowing that I am just going to end up with my heart breaking more. Then she came into the picture and I thought, okay this is it. This is when I will move on and get over him and everything will be alright as long as he is still in my life. But it’s not Natasha. Nothing is alright.”

“Oh Lola…”

One of the few times in her life, Natasha is left with no idea of what to say. She is unable to comfort her friend and Natasha is not used to not know what to do in any type of situation.

Lola simply shakes her head, “Don’t. Don’t say anything. But I came to a decision that I don’t think I’m going to be able to keep putting off. ”

“What is it?” Natasha’s eyes widen slightly. She has an idea of what Lola is planning on doing but she needs to hear to words. “Lo, what are you planning?”

“I have turned in my resignation. I am not leaving, but I will no longer be apart of Shield or the Avengers. And although I am not leaving completely, I will not be around as much for awhile. I need some kind of space between us so I can begin to get over Bucky. We can still get together and hang out, but I can’t be around Bucky for now.”

“Are you sure?” Natasha asks, taking Lola’s hand.

“I know, it might seem like I am running away from my problems, and maybe being a little juvenile. But I can’t stay there, I can’t deal with the pain of seeing him everyday with someone else. He has clearly moved on, but I haven’t and I won’t if I continue to be around him. I have spent years loving that man, trying to be content with just having him in my life as a friend if I could not have him as anything more. The more time I spend with him, I just keep falling in love with him more and more instead of letting go. This is for the best Natasha, I’m tired of being this woman pinning for a man who doesn’t want her.”

Natasha blows out a sigh, not wanting to agree even though she knows Lola is right. Giving Lola’s hand a squeeze before standing, Natasha flashing her a smile,

“Just as long as you are not leaving for good. I can respect your need for space, and think it will do you a world of good.”

“Thank you, Natasha, really. It means a lot to me to have you with me and not calling me foolish or childish.” she says, smiling her first real smile on the day.

She stands and the girls share a hug before parting ways, with nothing more to say for now.

Lola turns to leave, throwing one last, sorrowful, look at Bucky over her shoulder before exiting the building.

A note is left in a pocket of Bucky’s jacket that he placed over the back of a chair, and in the note it reads,

‘Bucky,

Please forgive me for behaving like this. Even though my heart is aching, I know that it is finally time I fully let you go, just as you have. I knew I could not have you and yet my love for you continued to grow anyway. We might not see each other for some time Bucky, I need to be away from you for now so that I might find the kind of happiness you have found with her. I know you Bucky and I know you will feel guilt for me hurting, but please don’t blame yourself. It’s my mistake, me who loves you. Good-bye for now, James.’

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! Please leave a comment letting me know what you thought!


End file.
